Cool Corporate Lessons

CORPORATE LESSON 1

     A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

     When she opens the door, there stands Bob the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on"

     After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time, with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

CORPORATE LESSON 2

     A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!"says the admin clerk "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Poof! She's gone.

     In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

     OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

CORPORATE LESSON 3

     A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high

up.

CORPORATE LESSON 4

     A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of story:

Bullsh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

CORPORATE LESSON 5

     A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

     A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of story:

1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy

2) Not everyone who gets you out of the sh!t is your friend.

3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut

Source: Forwarded Email

Mga Dapat Tandaan Bago Mag Suicide

I. Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang dahilan ng pagsu-suicide.. Kung ang problema mo ay dahil lang sa iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, di ka dapat magpatiwakal! Hello?! Ang mundo ay tambak ng mga tao na pwede mong mahalin kaya di ka dapat mawalan ng pag asa.

II. Ngunit kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mo at sa tingin mo ay meron kang tamang dahilan para gawin ito, ang sunod mong gagawin ay ang pagpili ng paraan nito. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang pagbigti, paginom ng lason, paglaslas, pagbaril sa sarili at pagpigil ng hininga. (Note: 1. Tandaan na maari ka pang mabuhay pag nagkamali ka sa pagsasagawa ng mga nabanggit, kaya pumili lamang ng isa na hiyang sayo.) (Note: 2. Alalahaning dyahe kung pagtitinginan ng mga tao ang mukha mo sa ataul na mukha kang dehydrated na langaw.)

III. Sumulat ng suicide note. Eto ang exciting! Dito mo pwedeng sisihin lahat ng tao, at wala silang magagawa! Sabihin mo na di mo gustong tapusin ang iyong buhay kaso lang badtrip silang lahat! Pero wag ding kalimutang humingi ng tawad sa bandang huli para mas cool. (Note: Tandaan na importanteng gumawa ng suicide note para malaman ng tao na nagsuicide ka at hndi na-murder! Sa ganitong paraan maiiwasan ng PNP ang pagkuha sa kalye ng kahit sinong tambay para gawing suspect.)

IV. Pumili ng themesong. Banggitin ang iyong special request sa suicide note at ibilin na patugtugin sa libing. (Note: Iwasan ang mga kanta ng Salbakutah! Jologs!! Dapat mejo mellow at meaningful.. para gayahin ng iba!)

V. Isulat ng maayos ang suicide note. Print. Iwasan ang bura. Lagdaan. (Note: Ilagay ang suicide note sa lugar kung saan madaling makita. Idikit sa noo!)

VI. Planuhin ang isusuot. Isang beses ka lang mamatay kaya dapat memorable ang get-up. Pumili ng telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan.

VII. Magpareserve ng de-kalidad na kabaong. Maganda ang kulay na puti, mukhang komportable. Huwag magtipid.

VIII. Pumili na rin ng magandang pwesto sa sementeryo. Pumili ng di masikip. (Note: Kung ikaw ay nabibilang sa Year of the rat, Dragon, rabbit, tiger, beef or monster. Wag na mamili ng lilibingan sapagkat ang mga nabibilang sa taon na ito ay dapat i-cremate at gawing foot powder,, para gumaan ang pasok ng pera sa mga naiwan.)

IX. Itaon ang araw ng iyong pagsu-suicide sayong favorite number sa calendar para masaya!

X. Kung naplano mo na lahat-lahat, Mag isip ng mabuti at paulit-ulit! Isipin na ang gagawin mo ay hindi kanais-nais at lubhang makasalanan! Pero pag desidido ka talaga…

Good luck!

Source: Forwared email.

Note: This post is for humor purposes only, please dont take seriously.

Wild guesses won’t solve journalism crisis

The Harvard conference tasked with finding new business models for journalism had the impossible mission yesterday of trying to solve a problem no one had the language to describe, the tools to measure or the skills to fix. In other words, the conference resembled the primitive study of physics before Isaac Newton invented modern calculus at the tender age of 23. Absent

Harvard hoedown ponder$ making $ in new$

Some 50 of the foremost thinkers about journalism have been invited to Harvard University today to ponder no less a problem than this: “How to Make Money in News: New Business Models for the 21st Century.” The event commences at 9 a.m. and is scheduled to adjourn at 2:30 p.m., so I guess the organizers are pretty high on the capabilities of the crowd. Or afraid

Distribution, Distribution, Distribution

Great news on the distribution front.  We’re ready to roll with Yellow Pages on TV and CMC’s HITS AxIS Service. 

This is a great development: a long-tail advanced advertising application running on Comcast’s Motorola platform written in EBIF, the vanguard industry app spec for TV.  Yellow Pages on TV delivers complete business listings augmented with click-to-call, VOD telescoping, and dynamic content that keeps advertiser listings fresh. 

We really look forward to working with the HITS AxIS team to bring Yellow Pages on TV, and many more TV Widgets^®, to Comcast Media Center customers.

You can read more about FourthWall Media’s distribution agreement with CMC HITS Axis at Multichannel News, MediaPost, and Forbes.com.

M. Ellen Dudar

Chief Product Officer

FourthWall Media

Newspaper circ stats: Murkier than ever

At a time newspapers ought be striving to earn the confidence of their remaining advertisers, they are reporting not just record low circulation numbers but also the murkiest figures ever. The historic 10.6% drop in circulation reported on Monday would have been trouble enough for the ailing newspaper industry. But publishers managed to make matters worse by taking

Newspapers, the mass-less mass medium

The devastating double-digit drop in daily newspaper circulation in the last 12 months leaves little doubt that the classic mass media model will not work for newspapers – or perhaps any other medium, either. Publishers who think their businesses are going to live or die according to the number of bellybuttons they can deliver probably will see their businesses die. The

Record plunge: Newspaper circ at pre-WWII low

Following an average drop of 10.6% in the last 12 months, daily newspaper circulation has fallen to a pre-World War II low of an estimated 39.1 million, according to an analysis of industry data released today.The first double-digit circulation decline in history means only 12.9% of the U.S. population buys a daily newspaper. The analysis is based on data provided by the Audit Bureau of

Newsday’s not-so-bold pay gambit

At first glance, Newsday appears to be making a bold move by becoming the biggest newspaper to date to start charging for most of its content on the web after giving it away for free for years. But the move isn’t really that brave. The newspaper is hedging its bets by taking advantage of its unique position as a division of the predominant cable television provider on Long

RIP, news embargoes

Add news embargoes to the growing jumble of detritus in the hellbox of journalism history. In an age of insta-news, embargoes are so meaningless and unenforceable that they aren’t worth the pixels they are printed on. As a consequence, publicity seekers are on notice that they no longer will be observed here. I am sorry to see embargoes go, because they were useful

Biap becomes FourthWall Media.

I’m pleased to announce that Biap is launching a new brand identity and changing its name to FourthWall Media.  As interactive television moves to market deployment in the US through the efforts of many, we feel it’s important to recognize this inflection point with a name that communicates exactly what we do:  connect with audiences. 

For those that may be unfamiliar with the expression, the “fourth wall” is an entertainment term that describes the imaginary plane between a performance and the audience.  When actors engage the audience directly, they are breaking the fourth wall to create a connection.

On TV, the fourth wall is the glass screen that separates viewers on one side from programmers and advertisers on the other.  Both seek ways to start a personalized dialogue with viewers, and we provide the fourth wall media that allows them to do so. 

With a technology platform that enables interactivity, programming that elicits viewer engagement, and advanced advertising that delivers targeted, one-to-one communication between businesses and consumers, we have been breaking barriers, including the fourth wall, with our industry partners for years.  And now we have a name that reflects these breakthroughs and connections.

We’re excited about our new name and its powerful imagery.  We think it captures what so many people in this space have been working toward for so long: reaching out to make memorable, lasting impressions. 

Check us out at www.fourthwallmedia.tv, follow us on Twitter at www.twitter.com/fourthwallmedia, and read this blog for our latest thoughts on the industry.

M. Ellen Dudar

Chief Product Officer

FourthWall Media

Columbia writes off the MSM. Now what?

For all the drama conveyed yesterday by the vote of no confidence in mainstream journalism rendered by one of the nation’s top journalism schools, the 98-page study issued by Columbia University is perhaps most significant for what it doesn’t say. While cataloguing a host of previously discussed potential fixes for the press, the report falls short of breaking new ground. That may be because

Text of Columbia report on MSM breakdown

Writing off the capacity of the traditional media to continue ably covering the news, a report commissioned by the journalism school at Columbia University calls upon the feds, foundations and journalism faculties to take up the slack.In the 98-page report commissioned by the Graduate School of Journalism at Columbia University, Len Downie, the editor emeritus of the

The un-sale of the Boston Globe

Given the scant hope of attracting a respectable price for the Boston Globe, it’s not surprising that the New York Times Co. pulled the paper off the market. The lingering question is why the company thought it had a shot of pulling off an acceptable deal in the first place.In the latest sign of how far formerly coveted metropolitan newspapers have fallen, the offers for the Boston Globe

AJC wimps out on endorsements

The first job of a newspaper is to set the agenda for the community. That most inspiring thought, from Howard M. Ziff, one of my most inspiring journalism professors at the University of Illinois, came to mind when I read that the Atlanta Journal-Constitution has decided to stop endorsing candidates for public office. I can’t think of a more vital part of the agenda-setting role for a

The editors doth protest way too much

Editors across the land couldn’t let Newspaper Week pass this week without wantonly violating the primary rule in medicine and marketing: First, do no harm. “Talk of the demise of newspapers is premature,” said the headline on an editorial in the Aiken Standard that was typical of the faux-plucky tone adopted by most of the editors laboring to make the case that somehow

A double dose of denial in Denver

At almost the very moment former publisher John Temple candidly told the Berkeley media-technology conference last week the reasons why the Rocky Mountain News succumbed, the Rocky Mountain Independent was drawing its final breath.The Independent was the second in a series of online news sites established by several Rocky veterans in the hopes of being able to continue doing the work they love in

How to sell news on the web: A checklist

Publishers groping with the question of when, whether and how to charge for interactive content often raise the issue of what they could sell, if indeed they ever decided to try. Here’s a quick checklist to see if you are ready:1. You cannot charge for such commoditized content as world, national, business, sports and entertainment news.2. You might be able to charge for local coverage, if it is

A kvetch-free journalism conference

They said it couldn’t be done. But it was.They said a conference about the future of journalism couldn’t take place without the usual kvetching about the golden, olden days, with publishers grieving shriveled margins and editors caviling about the bloggers challenging their previously unassailable wisdom. But we did it. The two-day Media Technology Summit sponsored